I am continuing to work on some creative non-fiction.  The manuscript is in the stages of the first draft, probably one of many to come.  I keep getting side-tracked by wanting to do flash fiction, poetry, and other writing, when I know I should be focused on my manuscript.  I am not normally a procrastinator; maybe it's fear of actually finishing something I start?

I am also contemplating starting a new exercise program.  It is very difficult with the way the schedule is at home to carve out time for myself.  It's not just a matter of a half hour at the gym; it's driving time to the gym, finding a parking spot, warm-up, exercise, cool-down, drive home, shower, and then re-compose myself.  It's hard to dedicate that kind of time to myself when I know my two kids are at home wishing they could be with me rather than their dad.  It's hard not to feel guilty.  Even though I've spent all day with the kids, they don't act up around me nearly as bad as they do with their dad.  Today I did do some stair climbing, about fifteen minutes' worth.  Our stairs aren't the greatest/safest thing to be tromping up and down on, but I need to get some exercise.  Hard to do when the wind chill is below zero outside.  I wish there was a mall to walk around in this area.

OK, I'm off to work on my manuscript.  I can still get in a couple of hours before I absolutely have to go to bed.

Posted February 28, 2006; 11:03pm EST

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Several friends have e-mailed me telling me this blog thing only works if I post something to it. OK. Consider this an official post.

After thinking about where I want to be in life, I have decided not to move back to the West Coast right now. Contrary to popular belief, no one is influencing this decision, and no, it's not an impulsive decision. A lot of thought (and vacillation) have gone into this decision. For now, I want to stay where I am. My decision has nothing to do with my husband, but more to do with how I feel about myself.

I don't want to start over again. I don't want to trek across the US again. Been there, done that. I don't want to go on welfare again. I don't want to deconstruct my life or my kids' lives again, at least not right now.

So if you're a friend, and you're reading this, take it to heart that I know what I am doing. As much as I love the West Coast, and as much as I cherish the friends I've made there, I want to make friends here. I want to build a life here. That doesn't mean I won't ever see you again, it just means, I need to move on.


Posted February 22, 2006; 9pm EST

I haven't written much lately because I have been pretty busy. I recently read something about how to heal that I think applies to a lot of people, myself included:

how to heal

allow time to pass
do less
be quiet
read
surround self with flowers
buy nice box of good chocolate
also several books
write
watch movies
shower daily but wear jammies
stay home
display get well cards prominently
ignore chores
pet cat
find comfortable spot and savor it
be kind to self
put self first
give self permission to ignore phone
eat oatmeal cookies for breakfast
refuse to think about diet and exercise
daydream
nap
cuddle with cat
look thru photo album
count blessings

I think this could apply to emotional well-being as well as physical. Also, if you know an addict (of any sort), you should read James Frey's "A Million Little Pieces." Yeah, the guy lied a bit throughout the "memoir" but it was one hell of a read. Hopefully Oprah can forgive him.

It's been warm here; 40s - warm enough to melt the snow that's been sitting around. We're due for a new blast of cold air and it's supposed to be freezing again. It was so cold during the last storm, the condensation on the windows froze. I had to keep my daughter from licking the ice and getting her tongue stuck!

Posted February 06, 2006; 8:42pm EST